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:: Saturday, January 27, 2007 ::

Photo Phobia

Let me say for the record that I hate being in photos muchly, hate being photographed, especially if it's under unnatural conditions.

Examples of these include taking group photos for weddings, dinner and dances etc - but I'll qualify this with the "people I'm not close to" clause. In other words, don't expect me to be in a photo with you if I'm not close to you. If I dislike you, well, that's tough nuts. You won't catch me around to take a photo with you.

It's quite rare that someone I dislike wants to take a photo with me though. Generally, dislike tends to be mutual. ;)

Unless say, I one day become famous, and my primary school arch-nemesis is a fan of mine. But how likely is that on both counts of "becoming famous" and "primary school arch-nemesis"?

The reason for this dislike is the very common affliction of photographic dysmorphia disorder (PDD). I'm sure lots of people have this affliction: Every time you hear someone say "Oh, I look so fat in the photo", "Ugh, I look so ugly", they might be displaying symptoms of PDD!

Strangely though, these people who complain the most about how horrible they look are the most photograph...philic.

What I mean about PDD is that when I look at my photos, I find something I don't like about them. I think I look horrible in photos, and I hate having to pose or smile unnaturally (which probably means I can kiss ANTM goodbye).

I don't enjoy taking photos, but I will take them if necessary. I also don't squeal and cover my face or run away if I don't want my photo taken, because if anything, this only spurs the photographer on. It's like how girls who scream that they don't want to be tossed into the sea usually get tossed. To date, I have never been tossed.

This is very important, and you must learn the lesson that people only want to make you do things you don't want to. If you act like you couldn't care less and give the this-exercise-is-a-total-waste-of-my-time eye roll, you'll find that you'll never have trouble with people trying to get you to do ridiculous things.

Anyway, back to PDD. Fortunately, my condition isn't serious enough to hamper my daily quality of life, but it does mean I get pretty persnickety when I'm required to take one.

Case in example - my NUS graduation photos. I may not have mentioned this to anyone before, but I hated my graduation. Aside from feeling that it was a great waste of time, I did not graduate with anyone (on that day, that is) that I could reasonably call my close friend (point of evidence: of all the people who graduated with me from NUS, I only keep in contact with a meagre few - and only these meagre few seem interested in keeping contact. As Granny Weatherwax might say: "I've never been the kind to put myself forward.") Therefore, it wasn't a very joyous occasion.

Call me crazy, but if there's anything I loathe, it's girls (and I say girls because they are the chief instigators of this) squeeing and smooshing their faces against one another's, gamely raising a "two-fingered salute" (alright, alright, I mean the V sign), exuberance radiating off them like the cruel rays of the sun...

And because I am the Ice Queen, such displays of love and affection sicken me! *cue angry hissing*

Seriously, nothing like people being happy when you're not to make you feel downright rotten. If you wanted to take a photo with me back then but I mysteriously disappeared, I'm sorry. I was in a horrible mood. If anything, I'll be the girl in the photo who's standing to the side stiffly, with a sardonic grin that doesn't even reach my eyes. I probably would not participate in any weird poses, and the only kind of two fingered gesture I made might be the rude kind.

Okay, not really. I'm not as anti-social as I make myself out to be.

As you know, I tend to ramble on and set up the scene before really announce what this whole rant is about. Thanks for your patience.

Yes. Graduation photos. I finally went and got some because my mother wanted them. This is very important to note because I believe if you want something that I don't and I give in to you, it should be your duty to make all the decisions.

Let me put it this way: If I've grudgingly and grumpily agreed to be your scapegoat, don't expect me to happily participate in how I'm going to martyr myself for you.

Yes, you're allowed to laugh at me. You're allowed to make fun of my dramatic conniptions.

So when they ask me what size photos I want or which photo I wanted, I demur from choosing. I'm not taking this photo for me, so what does it matter what size the photo is, or which photo you choose? As far as I'm concerned, they all look the same to me - false and pained. If anything, I seem to be wearing an indulgent lopsided smile. A combination of two things I hate - graduation and photo-taking don't make me feel good.

Let me take this opportunity to deride the photo studio though. I was glancing at the wedding photos on display there, and there was this picture where the bride and the groom were demurely looking down, away from the camera. The groom was standing behind the bride. I think perhaps they were supposed to be looking at each other shyly from behind lowered lids. However, the angle at which each of their heads was tilted made it look more like they were both checking out the bride's cleavage. I kid you not.

If anything, this experience has made me more reluctant to take photos - I have ascertained that I am highly unable to fake a convincing smile without good feedback about how I look.

Labels: Rant

:: And that's all she wrote 5:51 PM [+] ::
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