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Bipolar Journalling:

If you value your life... / Regarding Birthdays / Eve / Me / Oops? / I waited till my flowers withered. / Dear Lee Pace,I must confess that I currently have... / Justification by feeling / Humour for you / There is only do. /




:: Wednesday, October 27, 2010 ::

I am confused. Deeply, surely and completely.

I won't say life is bad because it isn't, but I don't know WHAT to do with it at the moment. I'm writing now only because it's the only thing I know to do and it helps get some of my thoughts out on print so that I can peruse them at leisure to rethink my feelings on various matters.

First off, I keep saying I want to leave Singapore and go study, but there are fewer and fewer push factors these days. The pull factors remain, but I don't feel the urge to leave as strongly as before. So why? I'm possibly actually afraid to leave because this is a major step that will take great preparation and fortitude to get through. I am going out into something I know nothing about with merely the faint hope that nothing will go wrong. There are people who want me to stay. There're people who want me to go as well, so I'm torn between these two factions.

I'm not happy today. Quite the opposite. I feel tired, put-upon and I have no confidence about the future. My strongest urge is to be at home sleeping, or doing something that will delay the inevitable (inevitable what?).

:: And that's all she wrote 9:26 AM [+] ::
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