Left Out / Random Spambling / Everything dies / WTF / RIP Dan and Mitzi. I loved ya.http://drmcninja.com... / I am a D&D Geek. / Right to feel / A slightly less closed letter to TPL / Of disaster and dire straits. / Whatever /

:: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 ::

How not to write a formal report

With regard to the above matter, I have weighed the options carefully and come to a conclusion for which I will provide elucidation forthwith in the paragraphs to follow. I will not, however, actually enlighten you on that at the moment because I enjoy frustrating and stymying you to no end about what my actual opinion is, provided I even manage to construct a tenable and believable argument in the meantime.

Firstly, I am of the opinion that I am a huge time-waster and will tell you about topics that are bordering on irrelevant in order to lure you into reading them through to see if there's a point to what I'm saying. Most of the time though, it's calculated precisely to make you live in suspense of my final choice by giving you subtle hints as in a finely written detective novel, such that you suspect that you understand my intentions but cannot be certain until I state them explicitly.

Next, let me blather on about information you already know because hey, it's always nice to make a report look long since quality is measured by quantity, donchaknow.

I shall also fill my report with unnecessary niceties because I am mistaken in thinking this is an informal letter between friends. Incidentally, I will also pad what I say with unnecessary jargon in order to string my report out even further, with overly bombastic and verbose turn of phrases that could be better expressed in fewer words which, incidentally, also serve to create the impression that I am a pretentious twit. Did I mention that I'll write long sentences with so many clauses packed into them that you quite lose head or tail of what I started off saying?

In conclusion, I really hate to say this, but I believe that this is the best way to write a report. You may notice that I sometimes support my opinion with tautological arguments because I am unable to think of any good reason not to. Note also that I make ambiguous statements that do not follow up on the thrust of my argument because I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Have a nice day and thank you for reading my report.

((I feel dirty and want to carry out harakiri now.))

:: And that's all she wrote 12:48 AM [+] ::
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