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:: Wednesday, May 26, 2010 ::

Choose your friends

We're given a choice about who we want to befriend - we don't have to be friends (i.e. have a relationship with) with everyone, although we ARE expected to be friendly to them. There's a difference be being friendly and being a friend, but that's something you'll have to figure out yourself because I'm not blogging about that today.

I notice that many people feel compelled to be friends with the people who are around them - perhaps stemming from a need to be liked, else bragging rights, else the illogical belief that if someone else isn't a friend, they're enemies. Of course, it is undeniable how useful friends can be in every aspect of your life - the more contacts you have, the more people you might be able to rely on when you need something.

If you enjoy having lots of friends, this is well and fine, but there are instances when it is really best not to be friends with everyone (again, I advocate the value of being friendly - just because you don't want to see them over the weekend or after work doesn't mean you can't be cordial, kind or helpful to them). There are people whose own values and principles clash with yours, and in attempting to befriend them, you might have to sacrifice or alter your own in order not to suffer too much conflict.

The world is composed of greys; it is NOT black and white. My above point was not to subtly accuse others of being bad company. I believe that everyone has their own point of view - you might value the importance of family, whereas I might value the importance of...say... friends. It does not mean that I'm wrong or that you're right, merely that in some instances we are likely to come up against the wall that is our difference in opinion.

How often this conflict is broached is another matter to consider while choosing friends. If it is likely that the two involved will be disagreeing frequently above the matter, I feel it is best to call it quits and just stay friendly acquaintances. Why?

A friendship is something emotional - you WILL be more deeply affected by the person than by anyone else. Having a friendship means that you will care for the person and even in some ways, feel ownership or possession of the person (and vice versa). It will be difficult and painful to maintain a friendship if your core values are markedly different.

You're given a choice... Friendships are not something that happen spontaneously or randomly. Whether subconsciously or not, people work at friendships - they spend more time with people they want to befriend, are more warm to such people, etc. etc. Perhaps it's selfish behaviour as well, as you are rewarded with good feelings when you are with someone you like.

ANYWAY.

What I really wanted to say was that it's rather unfortunate that while we can choose who we want to be friends with, we are not given such a choice when it comes to enemies.

Dislike can be ostensibly random and spontaneous. A lot of the time, one doesn't even know who hates you or why.

:: And that's all she wrote 8:46 AM [+] ::
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