Sick making / Trimming fat / Passing Afternoon (Iron & Wine) / If it bleeds, we can kill it / Family Computer / The perceived conditionality of love / And even for that do I love you the more / How are you? / Sitcom / Dear blog,Life sucks, but I'll be back. /

:: Saturday, May 08, 2010 ::

Sick making Part 2

Woke up feeling worse than yesterday. Throat very scratchy and threatening to inflict lungs which I think is a very likely prospect given that I'm beginning to cough on top of having a sore throat.

The only position in which I feel reasonably human is when I'm lying down, and also, did I mention that it's too damn hot? Well, it is. Reading Julia & Julie has done nothing to improve my mood apart from making me want to eat butter infused recipes which made for a rather uncomfortable one to two hours while I tried to nap before lunch.

Speaking of dreams, I had another of my spy chase thriller dreams again. It seems like a recurring one where I'm super strong, fast and agile. Also, I'm always on the run from someone. Yesterday night/this morning's dream was no different, though I think there might be a message in there some where.

I'm going to skip largely over the intricate details like how I climbed up the scaffolding of a building or scaled down four stories. Yeah, I know that's the exciting part, but the main storyline is what I'd like to record for posterity.

So, I'm a spy/agent working for this guy who is a rather unknown distant figure because we don't get to see him a lot - we just receive orders from him, but in one way or another we know that he's very important because he made us the way we are. There are five of us, and each of us are very good at what we do - all super strong and powerful etc. etc.

Anyway, one day I decide I don't want to do it any more. I dislike being a puppet and doing what he tells me to. I want to have my own life. And so I run away.

You know that in every good action movie, the protagonist doesn't get away with slighting the big boss that easily. It's like being in the Mafia - once you're in, you're in for life. It's not something you can "quit". So the big boss sends the other agents after me, ostensibly to capture or dispatch me (if necessary).

The chase sequences is exciting, but it makes me scared and afraid of what or who's coming next. I develop the mindset that I have to KILL the people coming after me in order to get what I want, even though I know at the back of my head it will never end, that I'll keep running for the rest of my life.

(Why don't I just kill the big boss? I don't know. The thought never occurs to me. For some reason I am inexplicably afraid of him, even though I KNOW he's a normal human with no super powers or anything.)

Other agents are VERY difficult to get rid of, however. One lady I threw over the side of a building. She recovered from it quickly enough to confront me as I was coming down the other side of the building.

Anyway, towards the end of my dream, they finally have me cornered. The lady spy who was chasing after me earlier, and another guy who sort of has a thing for me. I finally send her running when I make her think that something bigger and badder than me is coming after her, and I try to convince the guy to run away with me. (Join me!! MUAHAHAHA!)

That is, until I see a mysterious figure standing by the pond which I earlier tried to use to drown the lady spy. Even though I don't know how he looks like, I know instinctively that it's the Boss.

I don't run away. I'm scared, and he doesn't even have to run to reach me.

I'm waiting for my punishment, very, very afraid because I don't know what's coming next. But to my utter surprise, he lets me go. He removes the bounty on my head.

I'm stunned. He tells me that he had great hope for me, all of us, to accomplish something good. (Dredging the vague memories, I think he mentioned "creating life") But if I was so adamant on running away, then he would release me.

What do you do with a revelation like that? When something like that happens, you don't feel free - you just feel as if you belong to the person more than ever because of this magnanimous gesture. Inexplicably, I'm even more bound to this person than ever before.

Then I wake up. Is it a dream fraught with psychic significance? I don't know. :)

:: And that's all she wrote 3:05 PM [+] ::
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