I am confused. Deeply, surely and completely.I won... / If you value your life... / Regarding Birthdays / Eve / Me / Oops? / I waited till my flowers withered. / Dear Lee Pace,I must confess that I currently have... / Justification by feeling / Humour for you /

:: Sunday, October 31, 2010 ::

Skeletons

As appropriate as this topic is to the current celebration(?), it has nothing to do with animated internal structures of people deceased. On second thought, perhaps it does.

I cleaned up a portion of my room today. In particular, my desk drawer. It was a continuation of the previous night's attack on my jewellery and cosmetics which are now neatly arranged at their respective territories. (I am quite possibly using too many facial products or keeping old products longer than they should be kept.)

The act of cleaning or clearing up is oft seen as a cleansing ritual, wherein one rids oneself of old things in order to bring in the new. It's symbolic of refreshment and renewal. If nothing else, the act of throwing things out is cathartic, which was a feeling I enjoyed when I previously cleared out my closet, ridding myself of old clothes and donating the not so old but still wearable.

Today's experience however was quite the opposite. My desk drawer is the keeper of many memories - cards, knick-knacks, little tokens. Suffice to say it was not a pleasant experience pulling out items and being assaulted with a memory of the associated situation or person. One is reminded not only of the good times, but also of the bad, and sad to say my desk drawer was a veritable treasure-trove of negative affect.

I am reminded of people past and present, those still in my life and those that have walked out. I am reminded of buried regrets. I am hurt by the disparity of the situation then and now.

And as each thought, feeling and memory emerges, I must decide whether to keep the physical representation of it. The decision is more than just emotional. It is practical - does the item's intrinsic value mark them to be saved?

In the end, I do accumulate a large bag of things to recycle and a smaller bag of things to throw away. I discard items that remind me that the relationship is no longer salvageable because either I or the other person no longer cares. I discard gifts that are logically thought out but not emotionally, that come from not from the heart, but from the mind, or worse, some other body part...

After eating a few frosted corn flakes and resisting the urge to eat a mayonnaise sandwich, I am feeling better about myself.

Time to go enjoy the internet festivities of the season.

:: And that's all she wrote 11:36 AM [+] ::
1 comments

1 Comments:

 Joey said...

*glomps

5:51 PM, November 23, 2010  

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