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:: Tuesday, November 29, 2011 ::
Coffee time
So, it's 2.45 am in the morning and I can't sleep.
Hypothesis 1: Pre-dinner nap because I was so tired after work.
Hypothesis 2: Horrible sleeping habits since last Friday when I binged on the Sims.
Hypothesis 3: Lots of stuff on my mind.
I'm of the opinion that 1 + 2 have conflated to make 3 a bigger deal than it usually is, because seriously, these are not new issues. What issues are these, you may ask? That's a good question. A very good question, indeed, that I shall string out answering because I can and who are you anyway that I should answer your nosy questions?
Okay, for reals, one issue that's been swimming in my mind is how I wish human relationships were much simpler. There's always so much hidden meaning ascribed to what you say even if you never meant it. Like say, coffee. Asking someone out for coffee is so complicated these days because it can be so easily read as "I'm exploring my romantic options with you" as opposed to just "I'd like to catch up with you sometime". See, even "I'd like to catch up with you sometime" can be misconstrued. I have all manner of weird relationships - a few of them involving Facebook friends who graduated from being IRC / ICQ friends. Why weird? Because I chat to these people on a regular basis and know what's going on in their lives, but it's not a normal relationship in the sense that I find it .... difficult even to sit down with these people face to face and have a real life conversation. Come to that, it's hard to have a real life conversation with anyone I don't know that well. Usually I rely on my ability to ramble on aimlessly if I happen to be in the mood for it, but it's quite tiring to talk ceaselessly without meaning and it makes me feel quite wretched afterwards.
The above needs to be explained - why am I suddenly worrying about the state of human relationships? Well, my pet, I find this a little awkward to say, but I have been remiss in my duties as a friend because sometimes I can be a stone cold bastard in the "I don't really care what's going on in your life" kind of way. I'm very reliable if you need help or a listening ear or a doormat to wipe your feet on but I tend to hold people at an arm's length when I have no other function apart from companionship. I guess it's a flaw of mine that I feel the need to be needed? The unfortunate part of my personality that makes life sort of unbearable at times is that I actually do love company, deep down inside.
It's taken me a while to realise this, but I enjoy social situations, as much as they make me uncomfortable sometimes. Problem is that when you don't actively try to care about people, you're not really going to get a lot of invites for coffee or otherwise. Now, I can cope with not having much social interaction and mindlessly clicking away at my Sims for days on end, but ultimately it's not going to make me feel as fulfilled as hanging out with a real person. So, what to do, what to do.
Let me break it down for you. I would like to hang out with some of my more distant friends. However, this is proving awkward for me to carry out (at least in my perception) because of the strangeness of suddenly asking someone out for coffee. It's not too bad when I ask out my female friends, but it doesn't work so well with members of the opposite sex. I'm not going to place the blame on people misreading my intentions because I'm well aware of the fact that my intentions are sometimes not that innocent either. I can't help it; I must flirt with an attractive member of the opposite sex even if I don't really want the relationship to progress any further than friendship. And IF I DO? Wow, all the worse because if I actually like the person I start acting up and being all cool and sardonic smiley instead of being my usual... actually, that IS my usual self, except when it's with someone I like I turn it up to eleventy and become more enthusiastic about things than I really am.
And my laugh. It is a horror of crazed desperation.
So that's one thing. I'm probably making a bigger deal out of it than it really is, but it's late and I'm crazy, as it's been well established. Is there any simple way of asking a distant friend to sit down for a catch up session without it coming off as weird when you have a history of not being very friendly?
There probably is, but the answer eludes me at .... 3.11 in the morning, and godammnit I AM HUNGRY.
Issue 2: I'm a really lousy Christian. But that's for another sleepless night.
Plus? I'm sleepy enough to sleep now! YAY.
:: And that's all she wrote 2:45 AM [+] ::
1 comments
1 Comments:
coffee is coffee only in the morning when nothing but an IV drip of caffeine running through my veins has the ability to get my butt out of the warm bed and into the cold harsh light of the office.
other times it's "sex" or the like. especially when invited up to her apartment for a cuppa at 12 in the morning.
so the answer to your question - yes.
make it clear that it's a catch up session.
stress that you have no ulterior motives. even if you do. which you do.
make sure it's not at 12 in the morning. in your apartment. or his.
don't wear a low cut cleavage revealing tiny black dress. or a nurse's outfit.
and apparently, don't laugh.
but don't worry too much about it.
you can do all of the above and the guy will still think you're interested in him.
it's an ego thing.
he'll still try to get into your pants even if you look like an extra from the walking dead.
sleep well.
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