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:: Thursday, December 29, 2011 ::

Why "Nice" guys finish last.

Just putting this out there because I was reminded of it + conversation with a friend last night about this very topic.

Nice guys do not finish last. Jerks and assholes finish last.

The issue here is painting the whole person with a single adjective. In the case of "nice" - it's the most ambiguous word I can think of to describe someone because it covers a whole range of meanings from "He's kind and sweet" to "I can't really think of anything to say about him, but he doesn't repulse me". And people are multi-faceted (at least I would hope they are). Someone who's nice in general could still have a few annoying quirks that turn women off. Like a man who's kind to animals, thoughtful and sincere but still is at his mother's beck and call at the age of 40. I'd classify him "nice", but I wouldn't date him because eventually it'd come down to a very unpleasant me vs his mother showdown if we ever decided to get married.

Another thing to consider is when "nice" becomes a synonym for "doormat". It's nice that you bend over backwards to accommodate us, and it's nice that you let us take our frustrations out on you, but it's not particularly attractive.

My third point is this - who's the one calling you nice? I find that the complaint often comes from guys who find that they can't make any headway with romantic female companionship. I really have to question how nice they are - if you're buying her dinner or sending her home or giving her flowers so that you can get into her pants (i.e. behaviour with a vested interest), how is that nice? And if she realises this, you're not a nice guy in her head, you know.

Lastly, going back to the point about jerks and assholes - if they behaved in a shoddy way all the time, any women dating them would be certifiable, but psst! Here's the secret, guys. JERKS CAN SOMETIMES BE NICE TOO. It's especially attractive because they're not nice all the time.

No woman is going to be attracted to someone who's a jerk 24/7, and would only date them for the bragging rights of being able to land someone with the sensitivity and tact of a great white shark.

So for the last time - we don't specifically like men because they're jerks, and we don't specifically reject men because they're nice. It's usually more complex than that - nice guys may exhibit traits that we don't like, and jerks may exhibit traits that we're attracted to. More to the point, both types of men are too narrowly defined by "asshole" and "nice guy". People are very easily defined by one incident, rather than the sum of their personality.

:: And that's all she wrote 2:05 PM [+] ::
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