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:: Sunday, February 19, 2012 ::

Dating a woman in her thirties

Caveat: As I am not yet 30, these beliefs cannot be ascribed to me for the time being.

It is important to realise that this is vastly different from dating someone in her twenties. No longer can you get away with dressing well and being generally handsome, rich or powerful.

Because women in their thirties have had more experience with relationships (personal or observational), they are much more discerning when it comes to picking out a mate and it will take a lot to impress them. She is not open to the idea of casual dating and you will have to step up your game to get even a foot in the door.

(Sometimes. It is possible if you are exceedingly handsome, rich or powerful that she will throw caution to the wind and revert to her 20-year-old self who fawns over you in a moony-eyed fashion.)

Impressing her will require more than just money and lavish dates. You will have to put in time and actual effort. Sending her flowers on her birthday isn't enough. Anyone could do that. Her best friend could do that. (Word to the wise: your greatest rival for her affection won't be another man. It'll be her best friend of fifteen years.) For a woman in her thirties, you will have to hand-pick flowers, arrange them in a way that doesn't betray your total lack of aesthetic sense and somehow finagle it so that it will match the outfit she's wearing the day she receives it.

Multiple bouquets might do the trick.

The next thing to realise is that for a woman in her thirties, her biological clock is ticking particularly loudly. In fact the older she gets, the louder it ticks. This is to your advantage, as this means she will occasionally have flights of desperate biologically pressured frenzy and may select you as her mate even though you do not match her exacting standards. The flip side of this factor is that the longer you date her, the more impatient she will get if you don't make a commitment or at least the promise of commitment. This may culminate in her suddenly turning cold or refusing to see you for days on end, with the insane belief that you will get the message somehow. If this is allowed to carry on unchecked, she will eventually break up with you. If you have managed to attract the passions of a "Fatal Attractions" type of woman, she will eventually make you the unwilling participant of a grisly murder-suicide.

Do not let this deter you. Dating a woman in her thirties can be a rewarding experience. With her breadth of experience, she knows how to love you properly and will be more patient with your manly whims. If you wish to behave like a spoilt brat, she is better equipped at her age to mother you, and will indulge your tantrums as you roll around on the floor rather than get into a kicking, screaming fight with you. You will not have to cosset her with flowers and chocolates and jewellery in order to get back into her good books. She only requires a simple "Sorry."

Her emotional independence means that you will not have to text her every morning to assure her of your love. She is secure in the knowledge that you love her because well, she'd dump your sorry ass otherwise. Because she will command a comfortable income at her age, you will occasionally enjoy good gifts and meals at her expense, from her own pocket (as opposed to her parents'). She can afford to dress better (in fact has learnt how to), and her maturity will be a credit to you in interactions with your peers, colleagues and parents.

In summation:

DO make your intentions clear to her as soon as you know what they are. If after two to three months, you still don't know, tell her that you don't know so she can decide whether you're worth the wait. Don't string her on otherwise.

DO discuss important topics like marriage, children, future living arrangements once you think you might love her. It's best to know early if your interests align.

DO make the effort to impress her. Your most valuable ally will be her best friend. AND LISTEN TO THE WOMAN, for Pete's sake.

DO NOT expect her to woo you. It's bad enough being single without you expecting her to register an interest in you before you do something.

DO NOT allude to her age in any way especially with respect to how much time she has left to reproduce.

DO treat her like a woman. That means to give her respect by listening to her opinion. She knows what she's talking about, and even if she doesn't, pretend she does, because if she senses that you're belittling her in any way, it will go hard for you. And not in the good way.

DO tell her the truth. Always. (Yes, even the dreaded "Does this make me look fat?" question. This means that you should truly believe whatever's coming out of your mouth.) She's had enough experience to know when men are lying.

DO treat her like she's a treasure that you've found, not the last can of soup on the shelf. She's not that desperate that she'll take your chauvinism lying down.

Trust me. It'll be all worth it.

:: And that's all she wrote 11:56 PM [+] ::
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