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:: Tuesday, May 08, 2012 ::

Intrinsically!

The world will ask many things of you. Maturity and adulthood is taking a hard look at yourself and seeing which of these things you can give, and which of them you will not budge on. It's not an all-or-nothing deal. Don't believe that it is wrong for others to want to change you, nor should you meekly act on every criticism made on your character.

There are only two rules to follow in character growth. 1) Do the things that you like. 2) Like the things that you do.

I should elaborate, since that's an oversimplified antimetabole (or as modern commentators like to call it, a chiasmus. I learnt two new words today.)

The first rule pertains to doing what makes you happy. Happy people are intrinsically more liked than unhappy people (I have no studies to back this up, but I do like the cut of the word "intrinsically".) Everything your mother said was true - That you should be yourself, and if you like yourself, people will like you. Why?

I imagine it has to do with the way you carry yourself and the admiration people have for the confidence you have in acting on your wishes, since you may embody the very spirit they wish they had. Sometimes it doesn't even have anything to do with your actions - look at how popular some fictional villains are, even as they wreck havoc with lurid panache. Take, for example, The Joker, Lex Luthor, Green Goblin, Magneto.... and a variety of other evildoers who seem to enjoy what they do immensely.

(It could be, I admit, our secret Schadenfreude, or a love for teh evils...)

Anyhow, doing the things you like makes you a happy person. And being a happy person makes you a popular person. Because they want what you've got.

The second rule, on the other hand, pertains to growing to like what you have to do. Not everything you like is going to be good for you. Sure, people may admire how you recklessly devour fried chicken like it's going out of style, but your cholesterol levels and heart would prefer if you adopted the timeless classic of a salad. And sure, when you grin and knock back that thirteenth drink as you're puffing away on that Cuban cigar, you'll look awfully cool, but only Steven Hawking can get away with a robotic voice. (And maybe Darth Vader.)

(Don't you get it? Larynx cancer? Good grief.)

As I was saying - there are probably quite a few things you shouldn't do, despite how much you like them. Likewise, there are many things you have to do, despite how much you hate them. Paying taxes. Raising children. Watching Glee with your girlfriend. And of course, we have no trouble doing them. Right?

Well, here's the problematic part. We usually do, but we bellyache about how much hassle it is, how much it's costing us, how much you want to reach into the tv and slam together the heads of them wangsty teenagers. There's nothing wrong in complaining once in a while, but if it looks like you're set to be doing something for quite a while, a constant stream of whining is quite the turn-off.

Moreover, it makes you seem self-centred, and MAKES you self-centred, because you're basically making the high pitched squeals with your mouth so that someone will notice and hopefully empathise with you (or failing which, shut your mouth with beer or sloppy make-outs). This is really unattractive behaviour, and remember what I said about unhappy people?

The alternative, of course, is to start liking what you have to do. See what aspects of it can be positive or enjoyable, and focus on that. (For instance, I am able to sit through an entire Twilight movie because I enjoy making fun of it in my head!) If the activity is completely untenable, then you have a right to stop doing it, because it interferes with rule one.

The combination of these two rules will make you someone who's comfortable in their own skin and life choices. And that is a recipe for happiness. And popularity.

Probably.

Labels: Life, Philosophy

:: And that's all she wrote 8:24 PM [+] ::
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